At this very second I have found myself in a mood of mixed feelings. I am upset with certain people, I am angry at others, and I'm depressed about my everyday agenda. Through this I have come to the conclusion that certain people aren't worth me getting in bad moods for. I hate feeling like this, but as of lately I feel like I have been stuck in a snowstorm of abominable animosity. I don't know how to dig myself out I try and try but the walls keep collapsing in on me again and again. I need some kind of divine intervention or some sort of guidance. I'm going to get out of this rut if it's the last thing I do. I will claw my way out of that darn snowstorm inch by inch if necessary. I can do it, but when is the question.
I can remember being in kindergarten and looking around at all of the kids around me and thinking that I was different. As time passed I figured out that my freckles and red hair were why I received funny looks and mean names.I have been called every name you could possibly think of for someone with red hair. As I was growing up I began to hate my hair to the point that in third grade I begged my mom to let me shave my head, and so I did and I think at that point people were able to see "me" or so that's what I thought. I grew up hating my hair and wondering why I was "cursed" with being different.I figured as I got older things would change but still to this day I get called things that I feel are attacking the way I look. Most times I feel like the only thing people notice about me is my red locks. Which makes me feel like why even try to be nice or have a personality because my hair apparently says it all. But like the title of this post says I AM NOT MY HAIR. I want people to notice me, I want to be remember for something other than my hair.I have grown to realize that I love my hair, and that I love being different from everyone I know. I just want people to realize that it isn't right to make fun of the way someone looks, because that hurts someone to the core. It is something taken lightly at least not to me. I was born this way and I love it but if I get constantly mad fun of how do you think that affects my thoughts about my hair? People need to just be more conscious of what they say before they say it.
Oh yeah did I mention HAVING RED HAIR ROCKS!
Lately I have been trying to push myself into having good days, but nothing has been working. I cut myself off from the world for about two weeks this month just trying to re-evaluate where I'm heading and where I want to be, and from that I have gained a fresh outlook on the people who I didn't need anymore and the people I can truly call my friends.
I think that when we find ourselves in these situations we immediately go running to find someone to help us figure everything out, which in my opinion is completely wrong. How are you ever going to be able to lean on yourself if when ever you hit a pothole in life you call your parents or buddies to come bail out out. I have gained a sense on self assurance and a vulnerability to the situations I get myself into. I feel when we finally find ourselves the rest of our lives will slowly unravel into something we could have never imagined, something so beautiful and mysterious that we will be at a loss for words.
I want to die knowing that I have people who actually care for me deeply and not just superficially or for worldly things. I want to leave a footprint that will fossilize and be re-discovered 100's of years after I am gone. I want to be known as Me and nobody else.
Think about where you are right now. Are you happy? Are your friends truly your "friends?" Are you headed on a path that you won't look back on in 10 years and wish you had turned left not right? Re-evaluate everything and ask yourself Are you happy with you?
